The Things She Says

My Mom: I think all pussies should be girls!
The Fat Man: I agree!

And my father and I are left trying not to laugh. As far as I can tell, she's really not aware of what she's saying.

Just tell me what I need

They make car insurance overly complicated on purpose, don't they? I mean, there's liability per person and per accident, property, uninsured motorist... What of it do I need, and how much of what I need do I need? Don't give me lots of choices, I've never had to make an insurance claim. I have no idea how much stuff costs. Is paying for $100,000 coverage per person and $300,000 per incident a waste? Or is having less leaving yourself open to financial disaster? I don't like choices when I can't make an informed one. Just tell me what I need, and don't try rip me off.

On the plus side, I had really basic coverage with Allstate, and they wanted to charge me $888 for 6 months. I can get vastly more coverage through Progressive for $535/6 months (that's their recommended coverage). But it's WAY more than what I had (almost 10 times the liability coverage), and I don't know if I need it... I mean, can you trust an insurance company? Or do they just throw in coverage for random things that you don't need, just to jack up the price, then slap a "Recommended" label on it to see how many people get confused and select it?

Please tell me I'm not the only person who has no idea what they're doing.

Worst. Meeting. Ever.

When I go to a weekly meeting, I expect the people who called it to have something to talk about. Don't ask me if I have anything to bring up. You have my report. Any missing data, is a problem. You can see that. So don't ask me if I have any issues, unless you want a truthful answer.

"I'm just wondering why we're all here instead of giving you the time you need to get the data you've owed me for the last 10 months."

Griping

I won't complain too much about my mother today... just got one thing to get off my chest. On Friday, she tried calling me, and couldn't get through. Now, this has happened before, and she worked herself up into a frenzy. She's even sent the police over to my house before, just because I didn't answer the phone. I don't have an answering machine or voice mail right now, so the last time this happened, I pointed out she could just email me, and I'd let her know what was up if I couldn't call.

On Friday, she did send an email. But not to me. No, she sent a panicked email to The Fat Man's mother. It was to her work account though, so she didn't get it until Monday. Oh, and I did talk to my mother on Friday, around 6pm. The freaked out email, requesting someone else get me to call right away, was because she hadn't been able to get in touch with me during the afternoon. (!!!)

Working sucks. Especially when you work for a company that sucks. Especially when you find out that "some" of your peers are going to be let go. But don't know who, or even how many. My job is still safe, but who knows for how long... When I start training someone in India to "cover" for me, I'll start looking for a new one. And I had just started making decent money at this one.

Did you ever manage to do the dishes?

It seems like a perfectly innocent question, doesn't it? But it's just an example of what my mother does to me every time we talk. You need a little more information to understand though.

Saturday, February 12 I was up at my parents, to wish a happy birthday to my father. While I was there, I mentioned that I had to do dishes at home, so The Fat Man could cook his Valentines Day feast the next day. It was an offhand comment, which my mother latched onto. I can't remember what she said that day, basically insinuated I never did dishes, to which I explained (as I have several times before already), that I do dishes almost every day.

She also managed to act horrified when I said how I often did dishes before dinner, so there were clean dishes to use, rather than right after dinner. She did her little smile and "eeeeeh" sound, that means, "you are doing things the wrong way, but you won't listen to me, and something terrible will soon happen to show you why you should do it the way I say."

Skip forward to last night. I call, say hi, and she asks, "Did you ever manage to do the dishes?"

Now... is that a bit insulting, or am I being thin skinned here. I mean, a whole week as passed, I've told her MANY times I do dishes almost every day. It was an offhand comment to begin with, along the lines of, "I should pickup toilet paper," or "I wanted to see that movie, I have to try rent it sometime." Something you say out loud to remind yourself, but don't really want, or need, other people getting involved with. Would you ask someone, "Did you manage to get the toilet paper," a week later?

Braided Up

So, I'm going to be going to the Renaissance Festival in a month or so. They have a couple of tents up for hair braiders. The Fat Man is fascinated by my ability to quickly put my hair in a simple braid, so I decided I'd probably get a braid while I'm at the festival. But I hate to feel rushed, so I wanted an idea of what I'd get done before I went. I found a great site, with amazing braids on it. The Fat Man liked this one best, and me being me, I figured I could replicate it.

I think it was a pretty good effort, although the braids aren't equal... And have you any idea how hard it is to take a picture of the back of your head?!

While I was on my braid obsession, I also found this adorable blog entry, which has to be just about the cutest father having to do his daughters hair story ever.

Also, the stock market is an EVIL thing. Earlier this week, I was up about $25. Today, I'm down close to $50. That's just... SO not fair! But at least I have pretty braids.

Dumbass

Yesterday, my boss contacted me to ask why numbers on two different reports did not match. I checked my copies, and they did. He asked if I was sure. I thought back, one number had been updated, but not the one in question. The others were how I had left things over the weekend, and I'd double-checked them on Monday. Everything was correct, and matching.

That's when he remembered HE had changed the number on his copy, and that's the copy he sent out for approval.

That's right, he was asking me why some numbers didn't match, when I supplied one of them, and he changeded the other. Why don't they match? Because he entered the wrong number!

Now, in his defense, the file from which we get these numbers are intentionally misleading. The section clearly labeled as what we want, is in fact, not what we want, and needs to be edited before it can be used. He looked at this file, and assumed it was what it said it was (foolish man).

Stocks

I finally managed to invest some money in my IRA. Now I'm fighting a constant battle to not refresh the Scottrade page and see if I've made more money yet. Early this morning I was up $40, then lost $20 in about 10 minutes. Since my plan is to leave this money alone for a long time (years and years), I should really stop obsessing. But $40 in a morning was kinda fun, until I started losing it again.

How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I had the bestest Valentine's Day ever. We actually had our Valentine's on Sunday rather than Monday, since it gave more time to prepare the 5 course meal.

Still looking forward to the weekend trips to Phoenix. Planning on two trips right now, one for the Renaissance Festival, and the next weekend to just relax and enjoy having a dishwasher.

Speaking of having a dishwasher... how easy is it to buy a house? I know someone, with kids, who can't make as much as I do, and he's buying a $186,000 house. Now, his parents are helping, but... wow! That's a lot of house for $11 an hour.

Trips

Visit up to see my dad went well. It was a surprise, so he jumped about a foot in the air when I walked into the computer room and said hi. Didn't mean to give the poor man a heart attack.

We played Trivial Pursuit together. It was actually a close game, but with some lucky rolling, and me going with my wild guesses finally, The Fat Man and I won. My mother calling us "buggers" every time we got an answer she didn't think we'd know was pretty funny too.

My parents will be heading to Scotland on vacation at the end of next month, while they are gone, The Fat Man and I get to spend a weekend or two at their house. I can't wait to take a bubble bath. I'm soooo looking forward to a nice long weekend in a big clean house, with a dishwasher. We can relax, watch a movie or two, sit out on the patio and read, drink one of my dad's bottles of wine, take that bubble bath... Can you tell I'm looking forward to this?

Being All Productive

I've done my taxes (filing jointly with the ex one last time), and The Fat Man's taxes (TurboTax is a wonderful thing). I've filed away random papers that must be kept. I've written down birthdays on my calendar (I'd never remember without writing them down). I've called my Allstate insurance guy, I still have insurance (thank goodness), and he's working out a quote for how much it'll cost me to keep it with him. I doubt I will, but may as well give him a chance first.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit my parents. It's my dad's 60th birthday today. The visit should be fun, considering I was recently actually looking at my birth certificate for the first time, and noticed I was born June, 1977, and my parents were married December, 1976. That's *counts on fingers* NOT 9 months!

Now, I knew that my mother was pregnant at her wedding, but I'd sort of assumed it was with my brother (who I don't talk about, so back the hell off). He was born July, 1974. Heh, he's a bastard, things make so much more sense.

I'm quite looking forward to bringing this little tipbit up to my mother (the pregnant with me part, not the part about the bastard).

Google Still Knows Best

I have comments set to automatically email to me (so I have a little help controlling the urge to visit the site every 10 minutes to see if anyone said anything). The Google Ads that accompanied the Anonymous comment below were quite amusing to me.

The Flake Filter
How to handle the unreliable people who waste your time.
http://www.flakefilter.com/

How to Create Reality?
Six Easy Steps to Having All The Wealth and Success You Desire!
ICreateReality.com

Self esteem for Women
Trusted experts delivering focused, practical solutions in minutes!
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Annoyance

You know that point you get to, when you're just sick of people and the stupid crap they pull? I'm so there. If you don't like someone, you move on with your life, not ignoring them per se, but not wasting extra thought on them.

You don't base anything you do on them. if they are going to be somewhere, you don't not show, but you don't need to go out of your way to talk to them either. Just don't make a point of not talking to them. If you think about the person you don't like a lot, if you base things you do or do not do in your life around them, you give them a lot of power. Why on earth would you choose to give someone you do not like power over your life? I mean... I'm sorry, but that's just lame.

Naturally, I didn't get anything done yet... As usual, I'm pushing it all to Friday, when I will then decide it's too much to do. Must deal with the car thing as soon as possible.

Married No More

As of yesterday, I am officially a divorcee. Now I get to change back to my maiden name everywhere. What a pain in the butt. I gotta say... it seems kinda easy. I mean, I made promises, and now I'm absolved of those. Now I have to figure out what comes next.

• Change name everywhere (SS card, drivers license, bank, work)
• Get car insurance
• Remove ex-husband from medical insurance

Apparently I don't have the good credit I thought I did. I don't have enough credit history. I owned a house for 4 years! My name was on the mortgage too! SO not fair! So I should add "Get credit card," to the list, but that comes after the name change at the bank, along with "Order checks."

When I start to get lists of stuff like this, I get overwhelmed and curl up in bed and don't do any of it. So must start small. "Remove ex from medical" is a possibility for today, but I forgot the divorce paperwork at home, so maybe tomorrow. "Get car insurance" is kinda important... AllState (who I was with) is freaking expensive though. I think I'll be calling Geico tonight. Aren't they supposed to be cheap?

Why Are People Such Jerks?

On Tuesdays, I send out a preview of the report I put together. The preview gets sent at noon. Today, at 11:55am I got an email requesting some formatting to indicate something on the report. I already had the preview email ready to send, so I ignored the request (for then), sent the preview, and went to lunch.

When I got back from lunch, fully intending to go about adding the formatting which had been requested, I noticed a follow up email. CORRECTION NEEDED.

I really wanted to delete both emails, and tell the woman who sent them to go screw herself. I'm sorry, but is 5 minutes really an appropriate amount of time to give someone when you need something done, that when it's not done in those five minutes, you would yell at them for it?

It doesn't help that Messenger is down today, and my usual co-worker is on vacation, so I can't even bitch to other people about it. Note to anyone who ever works with me... at a certain point before a deadline, I stop looking at my email. So if you send me something important 5 minutes before said deadline, TOO LATE!

I feel a bit better now.

But He's so Cute and Fuzzy

Yesterday, I got home from work, and found the decapitated body of a mouse on the carpet. Okay, so it was a toy mouse, a little fur covered plastic thing you can pick up from the pet isle of your local grocery store, but it was decapitated. My snuggly cat is a bloodthirsty guillotine to poor unsuspecting toy mice.

Orion, the Mighty Hunter, my adorable tuxedo cat, brought home a bird once, and when the two 70lbs dogs went to see what the 15lbs cat was doing, he growled at them. I've never seen those dogs back up and sit down so fast. A cat growl is a truly scary sound. Eventually, the cat was wrapped in a towel, the bird removed, and the whole experience was so traumatic that no other birds have been brought home.

There was a time when a family with about 10 children lived next door to me. They moved out, and the mice they had been feeding scattered throughout the neighborhood. Orion brought home a few mice. The problem with mice is that they go into shock after being "played with" by a cat for a while. The problem with cats is that they lose interest in things that don't move, get distracted, and leave the poor live mouse in the middle of the dinning room... That's when one of the dogs found the mouse. Galla is a sweet mutt, but we think she might have some bird dog in her... because she likes to hold things in her mouth. So when we found a fully intact, soggy, dead mouse on the floor, we could only assume it had either drowned, been smothered, or died of shock while being held securely in her mouth.

Now I don't have to worry about the dogs trying to take the cat toys, so for the first time in his life Orion gets to have all his little fur covered mice strewn around the apartment. And he can decapitate them, and leave them for me to find. As long as I don't find a real one decapitated on my pillow, it's kinda cute.

Finishing Business

I had the meeting with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. He goes before a judge on Tuesday to officially end things. Then I get to change everything back to my maiden name. Oh what fun that sounds. Things went well, he's not angry at me for now, I still feel bad about what I've done to him. He thinks we can try be friends, but he said that two months ago, and it hasn't worked so well so far.

When I split from my husband, he gave me $5,000, my car (which he paid off in full), and my ROTH IRA, which originally had $6,000 invested into it. I found out today that the IRA now has close to $8,000 in it, and I have $4,750 in my savings, and another $1,360 in my checking. I know I don't make very much, so I'm a little confused as to how I managed to make $1K in 2 months, I'm pretty sure I've even been chipping in about 50% on expenses.

So now I somehow have $14k, and nothing to spend it on... I'm thinking that a house is a much closer possibility than I had thought. I'll have to see how continued saving goes. Not sure that $250 a paycheck will be doable in the long run, but I'm gonna give it a try.

Google Knows Best

On the funny side, while I was reading the email from my soon-to-be-ex-husband in my Gmail email account, I noticed the following Google Ads:

Lose Your Guilt Today
10 Steps Freedom from Guilt Forever Get online advice and tools
www.guiltlady.com

Shame and Guilt
You can feel good now with this breakthrough hypnosis program
www.deeptrancenow.com

Foundtn. for a BetterLife
Promoting basic human values via inspirational stories, news, quotes
www.forbetterlife.org

So that's Google's advice to me after seeing the email.

Ongoing Saga

So, I replied yesterday.

I'm not sure exactly what you want to accomplish with this meeting, except make me cry some more. I haven't changed my mind, I'm sorry, but I still think I need to do this. I don't think I could have gotten here without you, I will forever be grateful for what you have given me, and forever regret that I had to hurt you to get here.

I know you think I'm making a mistake, but I disagree, and I'm not going to sit there and let you tell me how you think I'm screwing up. I'm also not going to try come up with an answer that will satisfy you. I tried, you weren't satisfied, I'm sorry, but you'll have to come to terms with this on your own.

Now, what do you want to accomplish by meeting?

Now I know it's blunt... but I didn't quite think it warranted this:

You _are_ going to sit there and listen to me tell you how you are screwing up. You are throwing away your marriage. This is called "screwing" up by everyone on the planet. After six years, you owe me one goddamn hour to air my grievances. After all the years I listened to you, you can listen to me for one hour.

This is what adults do. Before they get a divorce, they talk about it one final time. You dumped me over email. The only reason you have ever given me for leaving is one I made up for you. Telling me to my face why this is happening is the adult, responsible thing to do.

I have made this process as easy as possible for you. Now I am asking for one small thing - a perfectly reasonable thing - and you are balking. How is this fair?

I have some insights to share with you. I know you don't care, I know you will not profit from them, I know now that your hatred of me consumes anything else I could ever give you, but this is the last time you will ever have to listen to me.

My hatred of him consumes me? Was there hatred in my email? If so, I don't see it, and I certainly didn't mean it. As for the reason I left him... the reason I gave him was that I didn't love him. That wasn't good enough.

A couple of months before I left, he tried to move me into the guest room. The previous month had been a very good one, then we had a couple bad experiences in the bedroom (it all boils down to sex, that was the only thing important to him), and he was back in a depression. When he tried to kick me out of his bed, all I could think was that I couldn't do that... I couldn't go on living with him, if I was going to be in the spare room. I thought about what other options I had, who could I move in with. I thought of my friend Jess, and The Fat Man.

That was the beginning on the end for my marriage. We had troubles before, and things weren't great, but it was not until after that point, that I seriously considered it could end. That day, I managed to change his mind, I promised things would change. I even tried to follow through, but from that day forward, I was walking on eggshells, waiting for the bomb to drop. I also stopped being able to see any happy future in the relationship. I didn't want to have children with this man. I just didn't see things the same way. He would brag to his friends about how smart I was... this was supposed to show me that it was not only sex. All I saw was him bragging about a belonging. He thought it should make me feel special, it made me feel like a piece of meat. I didn't want to have sex with him. It was awkward, and difficult, and any wrong move on my part and everything fell apart.

Any discussion we had ended up where he wanted it too. I complained he berated me in Karate, instead of saying sorry, and trying not to do it again (how hard is that?), he argued the point. At a dinner with friends, he said I was not at all sweet. When I explained that was not nice of him, he should never say a woman wasn't sweet unless he wanted to say she was a bitch, he argued the point. I asked he not put his feet up on the dashboard of my car, so they were actually resting on the window, and he threw a fit like a spoiled child. "Because I asked you," was never enough reason for anything.

So now I get to try explain this to him, yet again. As he tries to give me his theories, that may or may not be designed to make himself feel better. As he accuses me of hating him, of being hostile, and I can either sit there and take it, or prove him right. Gotta love the choices I get left with.

Joke Break

The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo
by Richard Aronson [aronson@sierratel.com]

In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game", and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer. Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed's game. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

ED: [pause] It's white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

ED: About 50 yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

ED: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.

ERIC: [pause] I call out to it.

ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.

ERIC: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened?

ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: [pause] Wasn't it wounded?

ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!

ERIC: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!

ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!

ERIC: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.

ED: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.

ERIC: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining to Eric what a gazebo is. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. It could have been worse; at least the gazebo wasn't on a grassy gnoll.

The above is Copyright © 1989 by Richard Aronson. Reprinted with permission. The author grants permission to reprint as long as all copyright notices remain with the text.

Melodrama

In the state of Arizona, there is a 60 day waiting period from when you file for divorce to when it can be finalized. That 60 days has now passed, so today I got an email.

Tuesday I am going to go before a judge and ask him to release me from the vows I made to you.

Before I do that, I require one hour of your time to discuss where we are, how we got here, and what we do next.

What can he possibly expect to get out of a meeting? I mean, I see him twice a week at karate as it is, awkward as it is. So he wants to meet with me to either a) change my mind, or b) make me feel like crap. Probably a to be followed by b assuming a doesn't work.

I haven't responded yet, and I will have to at some point today. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to tell him to go to hell, that whatever he wants out of this meeting he's not going to get. Part of me feels bad about what I've done to him, and is willing to let him make me cry, yet again, so he can maybe feel better.

Great, now I'm gonna feel like crap all day. Just what I need on a Wednesday morning.

The Color Red

I found more of the conversation mentioned below. Enjoy.

The Fat Man says:
Well...then we get back to how do we know that the color I think of as red isn't the color you think of as green? How do we know that the same spectrum of light isn't perceived differently from person to person?

Tam says:
because it doesn't actually matter... we can measure the wavelength, and you always identify that wavelength as red, same as everyone else, so it doesn't matter if you see something different

The Fat Man says:
Wait...its not important enough?

The Fat Man says:
It doesn't matter?

Tam says:
how does it matter?

The Fat Man says:
If two people perceive different things, but simply agree to call them the same thing, doesn't that defeat the point of the scientific process?

Tam says:
no, not if they can consistently agree... that wavelength is red

Tam says:
it doesn't matter how your brain perceives it, you could be colorblind and see it as green for all I care, it's red

Tam says:
every red thing we see, we see as red

Tam says:
so it doesn’t matter

The Fat Man says:
But the point of the scientific process, and if I'm wrong, correct me, is that you and I perceive the _exact_ same thing when we do the _exact_ same thing...

Tam says:
but we can perceive the wavelength, and its the same

Tam says:
How YOU perceive the wavelength is irrelevant

Tam says:
if you measure the wavelength and get a different answer, then we have a problem

Tam says:
but as long as that number agrees, the rest is not important

Tam says:
it might be interesting

Tam says:
and make a cool thing to study, but as far as the scientific process is concerned, it's a non-issue, it doesn't change any of the results

The Fat Man says:
That's....there's something about that that's bad

Tam says:
it's like if you are hot when we walk and I’m cold

The Fat Man says:
I don't know what...but there's something bad about it

Tam says:
does that mean there's not an actual true temperature outside?

Tam says:
no, it's just we're different, but we can both get a thermometer and find the real temp, and agree, even though you're hot and I'm cold

The Fat Man says:
There's something about that that disturbs me

Tam says:
did that make sense?

Logic vs. Faith

I am an atheist. It's not that I am rebelling against god, or hate god, I just don't see anything to make me think there is a god. The Fat Man does believe in god, not really the Christian God, but some power greater than human. He does not really understand where I am coming from with my total lack of god, and I don't really get why he would want to insert a god into the world.

Today, we had a conversation about the nature of god, and I wasn't quite following.

Tam says:

heh, here's why this conversation is weird... you're going into it thinking there's a kernel of truth these things are based on... I'm going in thinking some random dude made the crap up, so it is the way it is, cause some random, non-special dude wanted it that way.

The conversation continued all day. We talked about faith and logic. Science and religion. Knowledge and truth. In the end, we sort of agreed to disagree.

The Fat Man says:

Because the only things I can know for certain is that I think, and I exist. Everything else I have to take on faith. An indefinable power existing is the only way I'm able to function without going stark raving mad.

Tam says:

Ok... you have your indefinable power, I have my belief that we can make sense out of the world. I'll give you that I have to take that on faith, I think the world has no meaning if you can't assume we can make sense of it.

I was going to try quote more than that, but there are pages of IM conversation I'd have to go through... That sums it up reasonably well.