Seen and Not Heard

Children should be seen and not heard. Silence is a woman's best garment. Aren't proverbs great? But I'm done with being quiet.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I want to work...

...I just can't. There are reports I am supposed to churn out on a weekly basis. The data for these reports comes from an SQL server, which I cannot log onto. I'd be more than happy to take the time to do these reports if I could access the data, but since I can't, I'm at a bit of a loss here. It's not that I don't have anything to do, it's not that I don't want to do it. I just don't have the ability to do it at the moment.

I wouldn't bring it up, but this issue has been going on for some time. The server is unavailable at random times (like when I can try access it). My boss and his boss both know about it. I have not managed to send out the last two weeks of these reports, and another week should be sent today. Someone contacted my boss, to request I send the report, and he responded with, "Sure, Tam can do that." Um... No. Tam can't. Not till she can access the server again.

BAH!

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Pretty Braid

Back from my weekend trip, and I got the braid I was obsessing about over a month ago. Pretty, huh?

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

What I Want.

I want to have a house. A nice new house. Or at least a nice house that's clean, with a reasonably new kitchen and bathrooms, and no dust caught on the spider webs in the corners. The house has to have a yard, and I want a dog too. Just a mutt from the Humane Society, probably a lab mix or something...

This house doesn't need to be huge. At least one spare bedroom (that would actually be a spare bedroom so people could visit, or eventually a kid's room), and a place for the "office" (probably another bedroom). I'd like to have nice furniture in this house. Furniture that matches, and that doesn't look run down or ratty. Stuff that will stand up to Orion's claws for a while. I want air conditioning, and a dishwasher, and a garage for my car.

I want a house in a nice quiet development, far away from any major streets, and away from even the main road through the development. I want a park in the neighborhood where I can walk my dog, and let him play with other dogs.

The house would have to be in a decent school district, because after all this stuff is set up and stable, I think I might want a child. I never used to want a family, but apparently I do have a biological clock, and it just started ticking.

The problem with all this is that it requires money, and while I have no problem waiting while I save money, the Feds just have to go and raise the rate, which is bound to impact the mortgage rate, which means I'll be paying more for my home. The bastards.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Oooh! They made gum for me!

Apparently, it's a hit in Japan. That's right, they actually made a gum, they claim will enhance the size, shape and tone of breasts. Wow, those Japanese men really work hard for the things they care about!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Today is My Friday

And I'm so happy about that. Next week, I'll get a three day weekend to go up to Phoenix, go to the Renaissance Festival, and take a nice, relaxing bath. I'm looking forward to it.

This last week has been packed full of meetings. Seems like I haven't really gotten much done, and some of these meetings are just mind numbing. At least I get to keep quiet through most of them.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

So Why am I Upset?

The ex-husband promised me just over a month ago that if I ever wanted to go back to him, he would be there for me. I didn't ever intend to take him up on that offer, I still don't, but last week he retracted the offer, and it hurt.

I told you that I would still be here for you, if you changed your mind. I have to take that back now. I've met someone else, and while we don't know if it is going to work out, we are already to the point where I could no longer honor that commitment to you. And even if it does not work out, I have come to realize that there are other women out there who are interested in me, and that whether or not I am single is a choice I make, not one imposed on me. And I know I do not wish to remain single.

I'm torn between being hurt that his promise only lasted a month, and shocked that he actually thought it wouldn't be his choice to remain single. I mean, I have no desire to go back to him. I'm happy that he can move forward with his life. I don't wish ill on him, and hope he can find happiness... But it still hurts to read that.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Kitty Visitors

I now have two cats that aren't mine coming through the cat door and hanging out in my kitchen. This morning, I thought Orion was being a little weird, but figured he just wanted to be fed. When I finally got up and went through to the kitchen, there was a cat, with the color/markings of a Siamese, but with longer fur, crouched down on the kitchen floor. I hissed at him, he ran, and Orion puffed up all his fur and ran after him. Yeah, thanks for the help there, "Mighty Hunter."

I gave Orion some food, and took my morning shower, made coffee, then hung out on my computer drinking my first cup of coffee of the morning. With the first cup of coffee drunk, I put on some clothes (that's right, nekkid computer usage), and went back into the kitchen, only to chase off ANOTHER cat. This one is known as "Bad Kitty," although I think her name is actually Sneakers, and looks a lot like Orion at 50% of the size. I'd seen her in the house before, and the other cat tried to stick his head in when The Fat Man and I were watching TV a few nights ago.

I'm starting to wonder just how many cats I'm feeding. Is my kitchen turning into Cat Party Central at 3 in the morning? So, anyone got any hints or tips on keeping unwanted cats out of a house, while still allowing the wanted cat to come and go as he pleases?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Confessions of a Cat Transporter

I mentioned how I took my cat to the vet yesterday. It was just for his annual checkup and some booster shots. The actual vet was no trouble, but the trip too and from the vet was quite an ordeal.

Firstly, I don't have a cat carrier anymore. Actually, this is okay, as I can't seem to convince Orion to get into a cat carrier. Instead, I put him in a pillowcase, which is supposed to actually be the better way to transport a cat. Needless to say, he doesn't really like the pillowcase anymore than he does the cat carrier.

So I had The Fat Man go out to the car to turn on the air conditioning for five minutes before taking Orion to the car (it was 86 °F yesterday, and my car was sitting in the sun). After the five minutes had passed, I snuck up on the sleeping cat, and stuffed him into the pillowcase. He started yowling almost instantly.

The trip to the vet wasn't actually that bad... just Orion letting out mournful yowls, and me trying to comfort him, and convince him this was for his own good. The vet visit only took about 10 minutes, then back in the car.

On the way home, Orion was even more restless. He kept moving around in the pillowcase, I was worried that he would get out of it. Finally, with home less than a mile away, he managed to move so his front half was hanging off the passenger seat. I couldn't really reach him while I was driving, so I decided I'd slide him back onto the seat when I stopped for the next light. Unfortunately, I miscalculated how far forward his weight was, and how much inertia would be generated by my breaking...

That's right, I hit the breaks (gently I will add), Orion's head went down, his back end flipped up, and slammed into the passenger side dashboard. Okay, so maybe it was more of a tap than a slam, but I was terrified I'd hurt him. Luckily for me, he soon emerged from the pillowcase, apparently none the worse for wear, jumped up on the seat, and spent the rest of the trip home looking out the window. I think I got a few funny looks... People are used to seeing a dog sitting like that, not so much a cat.

When we got back to the apartment, I was still left with how to get Orion back into the apartment. After torturing him at the vet's I didn't want to let him out right away, but Orion had no intention of going back into the pillowcase... well, it wasn't far, I could carry him...

Two scratches later, and a few attempts to get out the blocked cat door, Orion decided to sleep it off in the closet. An hour or so later he'd forgotten all about it. I'm so glad I only need to do that once a year.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Money Revisited

So, I wrote that bit about how I enjoy watching my money, and since then have been paying out the nose. $489 for 6 months of car insurance, $162 for a visit to the dentist, $50 for my cat's annual vet checkup. So I decided to amend my previous position... I like watching my bank account as long as it goes up.

It started with $185 to renew my Resident Alien Card. That only needs to be done once every 10 years, so if it put me a little low for the two week period it came out of, it wasn't a big deal. Then the car insurance... well that's for 6 months, so really I should just expect my bank account to go up by $81.50 a month until September.... Then the dentist... better make that $108.50 a month. Then the vet... I'm beginning to think this never ends. My checking account has gone from having quite a bit over $1k in it at the beginning of the month, to $500 now. And I got paid in that time (not all of my paycheck goes to my checking account, but still). At what point do I get to start going up again?

Yay!

I'm legal for a year, and should get a card in about 6 months. Trust me, you don't wanna know, but it's one less thing to be overwhelmed about.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Overwhelmed

Feeling a little overwhelmed the past couple of days, and I'm not sure why.

The diet The Fat Man and his mother are on is apparently working on me as well, this weekend when I weighed myself I was 124lbs. That's 6lbs less than I used to weigh, and at least 6lbs less than I should weigh (according to just about any ideal weight/height chart you'll be able to find). Apparently I should eat more... or have dessert more often.

I drank too much Sunday night. Not that I was horribly drunk, or even sick the next day. I just woke up dehydrated, and felt a bit mentally slow all day. I don't like that feeling, and get quite annoyed with myself when I feel it.

There are bugs in my kitchen. I keep finding cockroaches around, and killed yet another one this morning (that brings it up to 4 I've killed, 3 or 4 The Fat Man's killed, and another 6 or so I've seen that died from the Raid fumes). I don't like bugs. I mean... I really don't like them... like, REALLY don't like them.

I'm still nervous about The Fat Man's job situation. There IS no actual problem for quite some time, but I know that sitting around the house does bad things to me, so I project that onto him. I'm trying so hard to find the line between being supportive and nagging (or being overbearing as my mother often is). I don't really know how I'm doing... well, he's not complained yet, I'm hoping he'll let me know.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Lessons Learned

  1. Traveling with someone is much more enjoyable when I'm not solely responsible for packing, and don't get blamed for anything forgotten or left behind.
  2. Sharing a full size bed with another person is actually physically possible (who knew?).
  3. The Ikea store layout is designed to cull the weak.
  4. No one else where I work understands how to perform basic math on fractions. I finally convinced them that you can't just add, subtract, or average fractions (or averages, or percentages), and then they argue when I say I can subtract one average from another to get the number we want. "You can't just subtract, they're averages." "They have the same denominator, so I can pretty much do whatever I want." "But... they're averages." *Sigh* "Let's go over this whole 'denominator' thing again shall we?"

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Great Unknown

So, The Fat Man is looking for a new job. He's looking in Tucson, and further afield. My job is still secure for now, but that could (and probably will at some point), change pretty quickly. With the severance pay, we have over 4 months, probably closer to 8 months, before the financial burden would move more squarely to me. There's nothing to worry about for quite some time. A $9/hour job would probably be enough to allow The Fat Man to cover his half of the bills, and while a good job may be hard to come by in Tucson, $9/hour isn't. And yet I'm stressed.

I'm scared of having to decide to move as well. As mentioned above, I'd have a hard time saying my job will be here in a couple of years, and the company itself doesn't really inspire loyalty, so it seems rather silly to stay for the job (although I'll hate having to find a new one). My friends are here in town, but as I was writing this, I realized how pathetically few friends I have. The Fat Man is half of my good friends I actually see, or at least talk to regularly.

Well, now I've succeeded in depressing myself, I'll actually try get some more work done.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Money

I've discovered something about myself since I left my husband. I like saving money. I enjoy obsessing over every penny coming in, and figuring out how quickly it should be going out. I love watching my savings account grow every paycheck, and closely watching my checking account to see if it shrinks. I take pleasure in figuring out how long it will take to save certain amounts of money, and how much interest I will be paid.

When I was married, we had a joint account. It was all "our" money, so I never really took much pleasure in the accumulation of wealth. Most of it was his anyway. When we split, I realized how little I actually considered to be mine. I don't know if I could have afforded to keep the car if he hadn't paid it off for me. There was no question of my keeping the house, it was well out of my financial abilities.

So now I'm having fun planning how I will buy things that will be mine. How expensive a mortgage could I afford, how much house do I want, how much of a down payment would I need to make so I can get that mortgage. I don't ever want to be in the situation again when I don't own anything. Where I can't actually lay claim to the things that are mine. No matter what happens in the future, I think I need to keep a sense of financial independence... I find it quite empowering.